Listening

Well, I weighed in this morning... I lost another 5 lbs of fat, and gained some water, so my total loss for the week was 1.4 which brings the total to an even 54 pounds.  I've been a little frustrated lately because it's been creeping off a lot slower than I was used to when I first started, but I know it was because I wasn't on top of things... Seeing that 5 lb fat loss this week was really encouraging that my body's ability to lose rapidly has not plateaued... I had come to a mental plateau!  Now that I am back on top of it, I am confident that the weight will continue to melt off... Especially since I am staying committed to exercise... I have a routine of going to the gym Tues-Sat, with Sun and Mon being my off days, but still doing something active those days... even when I don't want to.  Tuesday I didn't quite follow-through... but that will not happen again!  Also... I am newly committed to taking the stairs instead of the elevators... working in the hospital, that provides A WHOLE LOT of opportunity to take the stairs... and I am proud to report... that today I only took the elevator once, and that was because I was going to a crisis call and I wasn't sure where the stairs were to get from where I was to where I needed to be in a short amount of time!
I am also using my balance ball and kettle ball at home while I watch TV in the evenings... I'm staying focused!
As I have been focused and committed and working hard, what has really really been on my heart this week is a new awareness of the influence that I have on those around me... not only as I have blogged about certain things, and found that has created a space for people to open up to me and share with me some of their battles and struggles.... but now as the weight continues to come off and people can visibly see a drastic change in me... in my body and in my presence... people not only compliment me and encourage me, but more and more people are looking to me for direction... sharing their weight battles and the emotional struggles that are connected to it... some even asking for advice about how to eat and about working out... which for me is so bizarre!
I know that it's something I have become passionate about, but I still don't feel like someone who is knowledgeable about such things... I still have so far to go!  What I am realizing though, is that people aren't asking me for my knowledge based expertise, they are connecting with my experience and seeking my experiential expertise... As I have shared with several different women about our own individual experiences of what got us to that unhealthy place, what keeps us stuck and how I get myself unstuck (because it isn't a one-time deal... it's like being in the Fire Swamp where you never know when you'll be swallowed into a pit of quick-sand, a spontaneous ball of fire or be attacked by those hideous R.O.U.S (that's a "rodent of unusual size" for those of you who are not fans of the classic "The Princess Bride")... I have started to wonder what it would look like to get us all in the same room... I wonder if we could all be vulnerable with one another in a group setting the way we are one-on-one... I wonder if these women who have trusted me, could also trust one another... I believe there may be some potential for us to minister to one another... and I'm not sure, but I think that God may be using me as the one to bring us together... 
I am praying about it and leaving the door open to see what may come of that, but the thought is sort of exciting right now....
Hope you all have a great weekend... Cedric and I have a date tonight... we are going to the Mavs game!  I am pretty excited... need to figure out what I'm going to wear!

Party Like a Rock Star

So, I know it's been a long time since I've written... life got a little crazy... I was ordained last weekend... An event I had been looking forward to for half of my lifetime really!  And I don't think I realized how stressed out I was about it until I was sitting in the midst of the weekend with my friends and family and realized how high my anxiety was, and how much I was taking it out on those around me... I didn't realize how much it was affecting my eating habits either until after the fact... I knew I had fallen off the wagon... not drastically but I wasn't planning my meals, measuring them out, logging what I ate... It's not like I was eating a bunch of stuff I shouldn't... I just wasn't paying attention... and I could feel it in my body and in my energy level.  Saturday, the day of my ordination, I made a conscious decision not to worry about it, and just enjoy the day... I made yummy scrambled eggs for breakfast because the cooking kept me busy and calm.  At the reception I didn't have any cake, I ate the insides of the sandwiches and left the bread, and I ate fruits and veggies, but I did have a glass of raspberry sherbet punch... my favorite!  After the reception at the church, we had a party at Grammy's and I enjoyed a glass of champagne and some celebratory tequila shots (because they're carb free) but I didn't overdo it.  Sunday, when we got back in town, I decided to make Monday a restart day, and so Cedric and I went to Fuzzy's where I enjoyed my favorite nachos - but still didn't eat them all, like I would have once upon a time... I just ate until I was full!  Monday I started over with the planning and the logging and the pre-measuring and portioning out.  I thought for sure that I had gained the previous week and so whatever I lost this week would just level it out, and at best I would maintain... but, I weighed in Friday morning and I had lost 1.4 lbs.
It felt really good but what I think felt even better, was knowing that even when I was stressed out and then celebrating, I made different decisions than I would have before and that even on the day that I wasn't restricting myself to what I was "allowed" to have, I ate what I wanted to and I still made good decisions... I didn't eat cake just because it was there.  I didn't eat the bread on the sandwiches just because it was there, I ate what I wanted to eat and left the rest.  And just because I was treating myself to my favorite nachos and intentionally allowing myself to eat something very unhealthy, I didn't eat all of it just for the sake of it, I ate what I wanted to eat, and left the rest.  

1.4 lbs in two weeks is not very impressive, but it was still a lost during the most stressful two weeks I've had in a long time and during the biggest celebration of my life so far!

So, I "celebrate the 1.4 lbs and move forward" as Mom encouraged me to do.

I also started going to Weight Watchers at Work meetings this week... I am still following my Medi diet because it feels safer, while I get my mind around WW to try and see if I want to switch, but I figure, whichever diet I follow, it is still beneficial in that I am weighing in mid-week now too which is double the accountability, and I am establishing a new support group with people I work with. The point is, that whichever way I go about it, I am staying committed to being healthy and conitnuing to lose weight so that I can feel good physically and emotionally.

Last night I went to one of Cedric's friends weddings and had to find something to wear... I found a fabulous dress at Ross for twenty bucks and I felt like a rock star... I've never felt super confident with all of his friends because they are such a close group of people... they've been friends for a long time and I know how important they are to him... Between my introvertedness and my insecurities about my weight, I have never been very outgoing... As I have lost the weight and started to gain some confidence, I have felt more comfortable in general, particularly around them, and last night I think was the first time I let myself go enough to dance and just have fun... and I did!

So much fun that today I slept in and forgot it was daylight savings and so I missed church (not very cool for the week after my ordiantion).  But it was beautiful outside and so when I finally did wake up, I opened the windows and I spent the day cleaning house (mostly the kitchen) and cooking and preparing for the week.  

I made mashed cauliflower... 

using my new magic bullet to blend it up really smooth and WOW... it's so amazing!  I used 

2 heads of cauliflower 

1 cup Fage 0% Plain Greek Yogurt 

3 Laughing Cow Garlic and Herb cheese wedges 

and blended it up till it was smooth like mashed potatoes... 

it made 4 cups, which I divided up into eight 1/2 cup servings for 

40 cal 

1.2 g fat 

3.5 net carbs

4.5 g protein

Yesterday I made blue cheese stuffed burgers... 

4 oz Laura's 4% fat ground beef

1 Laughing Cow, Light Blue Cheese wedge

I just seasoned the meat and then made a little bowl out of the meat, put a wedge inside and folded the meat around the cheese and cooked them on 350 for 30 min.  Each patty has

175 cal

5.5 g fat

2 net carbs

26 g protein 

I also made the bratwurst sauteed with apples, onions and habeneros...

and some ground turkey sauteed with onions, poblanos, and habeneros for tacos

so I have some variety for the week.
I also have some butternut squash to figure out something to do with at some point in time this week too!  So... yay for experimenting with healthy recipes!

And here's to praying for strength and strong will to stick to it and have better numbers on the scale!