When Life Has Other Plans

I was planning for a productive weekend this weekend. I was excited that my cousin got to come over for dinner Friday night so we could spend some quality time together. He was supposed to work yesterday but got called off work so we got to hang out more, which was nice but he would have rather been able to work so he can get back home to his family. 

However, I am grateful he got called off because that means he was there when my body decided not to cooperate. Around 1pm, my stomach started hurting. Within 15 minutes the pain had increased and moved to my lower right adbomen. It just got increasingly worse, until I was nauseous from the pain. I finally told him I was convinced I had appendicitis but I'm not a nurse so, we started calling our nurse family and friends and there was a general consensus... Go to the hospital and get it checked out. 

So I called my husband who was working and asked him to come home because I needed to go to the ER. My cousin was kind enough to stay with my kids, and my in-laws brought some reinforcements.... We didn't wait very long at the ER to get back, and they did some blood work and ordered a CAT scan. Sitting still made the pain less intense so I asked the doctor if we could skip thenCAT scan, but the bloodwork had come back and my White Blood Cell count was high, which told him there was likely an infection and he needed the CAT scan. It was a good thing, because I was right a few hours earlier... It was definitely appendicitis and they scheduled an emergency surgery right then. 

Surgery went well, and aside from a post-surgery panic attack and some pain, I'm doing ok. 

I've been able to pump milk and send it home with Cedric every couple of hours. I'm finally eating something. Hopefully they'll send me home soon because I miss my babies!!!!!!

Momming is HARD

Today was one of those hard Mom days... Our hard is different on different days... And my hard is different from your hard, but it's hard work nonetheless... Today was a hard "working mom" day. I scurried around the house getting two girls and myself ready, starting with my early morning pump session to keep up my supply and trying to get us out the door on time with lunches and bottles and extra diapers and clothes for the little, my three giant water cups and pink drinks for the day, pink drinks and vitamins set out for my husband... And big sister wanted me to hold her while she ate breakfast, and her hair was a mess, and little sister was sleeping until it was time to go, so I grabbed her to change her diaper before we ran out the door... And she woke up happy and giggling and wanting to play...and my mama heart broke. Because I wanted to stay and play and enjoy those giggles... I wanted to get to make her giggle and just be... Just be with her... But we were already late and I had to scoop her up and put her in her car seat and off we went. 

So we got to school and dropped off big sister and of course she was happy to be with her friends. I took little sister to her room, got her bottles in the fridge and sat down to nurse her before I left (like I always do). When she was done, she needed a diaper change. I wanted to change her diaper, but I'd spent too much time talking to another mommy in between dropping the two girls off, and now another mommy was using the changing table, and I was soooo late for work... I had to hand her off to her teacher and kiss her goodbye and it just broke me. What kind of Mom am I that I don't have enough time to giggle with my  baby first thing in the morning? What kind of Mom am I that I don't have enough time to change her diaper so I can enjoy one last moment of giggles? (She loves having her diaper changed.)

What kind of mom am I that my baby spends more time with strangers than she does with her family? It was especially painful after arriving to pick her up yesterday to find her crying huge crocodile tears on the floor by herself, while one of her teachers was just watching the older babies play across the room. What kind of Mom am I that I can't find a way to be with her instead of leaving her all day with people who can't love her like I can?

So I spent the day on the verge of tears all day, and they came a few times for sure. 

It's hard being a mommy. It's hard knowing what the right thing is and figuring out how to make the next best thing work when the best thing isn't an option. It's hard to be away from your baby more than you're with her, and trust that she is in good hands. 

I'm working hard every day to make a better life for our family... To make it so that I can be home with them and give them my attention... The attention they deserve. But until then, it's hard!

So when I get home, this is the only thing I know to do...

  Hold her and pray!

Starting Over For THE LAST TIME

I can't believe I'm here agin but I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT BE HERE AGAIN! 

Not only do I want it, but I've found the tools I need to be successful that are sustainable. No more fads, no more ketosis, no more deprivation, cheats, magic solutions... 

Just healthy choices! Healthy guts! Daily activity! Drinking enough water (which you may be surprised is actually HALF YOIR BODY WEIGHT in ounces... So yeah, you're probably not drinking enough either). 

My beautiful girls deserve a healthy Mama and a good role model of how to take care of yourself and love yourself. 

So yeah... I'm doing the damn thing... 29 pounds down since I delivered Berkleigh in May... 

I'm committed to healthy choices. I take my Plexus supplements religiously... Slim helps me regulate blood sugars so I don't have cravings and don't have crashes. Probio5 and BioCleanse clean out my gut so my whole body works the way it's supposed to. My XFactor has 833% DV of B12, 500% of B6, 250% of Vit D, 333% of Vit C and 100% of everything else I need. My MegaX has Omega 3,5,6,7 and 9. 

I lost 3 pounds last week!!! 

Wanna join me? It's easier together!!!!