Feel Good Friday

Wow! I seriously am the worst blogger of the century... I keep telling myself that I will do better and then realize that I am just getting worse!  I know that part of my absence in the blogging world has been a manifestation of my absence from the world in general lately... the past several weeks I have been battling a great deal of anxiety... as I alluded to in my last blog, but didn't really explore in great deal with you... but I am going through a challenging time right now... since I have been ordained I guess I have been aiming for the next mark... you know once you reach the bar, you set the bar higher and reach that bar... and it's always been something... from graduating high school, to graduating college, to graduating seminary, to ordination... now it's getting a full-time job as a staff chaplain and working towards Board Certification... and those are just my own personal goals... there are also the goals that Cedric and I are working on together for us and for our future family... Over the past several weeks it has been more real how scarce the job market is for chaplain positions... not only in the DFW area, but really all over the states... I know people that have been searching for a year and still been unable to find something and that is scary... Since I entered the work force, I have never been without a job, and even more than that... I've never been without a job that offers full benefits.  To think that I may be slinging coffee again just to get benefits after 11 years of school, a B.A. and a Masters really blows my mind.  (Not that there is anything wrong with working for Starbucks... because I did love it and I am sure I would enjoy it again for a while... but that is not what I invested my time and money in an education to do eleven years later...) So... without completing unloading the entirety of my anxieties on you, I think it's pretty clear where my anxiety comes from... and one of my responses to that has been to retreat into myself.  To spend more time alone doing mindless things and throw myself into my work when I'm at work.  My peers at work have been an excellent support group as well as seeking some outside help... and I do think that I am functioning at a more normal level... but I know that the train coming at me cannot be stopped, and I don't know yet what that train is carrying.   
Despite my anxieties and stresses, instead of throwing myself into food (especially with as much time as I spend home alone during these low times), I have been throwing myself into my new Weight Watchers Points Plus plan and learning as much as I can about how to make it work for me, and I am pleased to report that I weighed in again this week at Weight Watchers and I lost another 2.4 pounds... so now I have officially lost a total of 58.2 since the beginning of this journey that began back on the 5th of October at Medi Weight Loss!  That is almost 60 lbs in 6 months... I am really glad that it's starting to come off more easily again... and I am back in that 2-3 lbs a week range.  I really think that the change in food options and incorporating new foods back into my diet has been a tremendous factor in getting back on track.
Some of my new treats that were pretty much off limits before and now some are even considered *power foods

*Banana with Chocolate PB2
*Baked potato
English muffin with PB2
Smart Pop Popcorn in the 100 calorie bags

Triscuits with Laughing Cow cheese wedges
*SALADS loaded with veggies!
Weight Watchers ice cream bars... there's a toffee crunch one and a snickers one that are AWESOME!
Whole Wheat Pasta (in moderation)

It's so nice to not be limited by what I CAN or CAN'T have but what I CHOOSE instead... (Yes Mom, you can totally say "I told you so!")  Like last night I got to have enchiladas at Tres Jose's because I had the points and I chose not to get a margarita so that I didn't eat into my weekly points.
I am still excited about the transition... It doesn't hurt that I fit into a smokin' hot dress last night that I bought for Ordination but didn't feel comfortable wearing yet... and I don't mean to toot my own horn... but I was smokin'!  And it felt good... It felt good to feel good about myself... to play dress up and not feel like I was trying to hide behind glitter and glam but instead be accentuating my natural beauty and not hiding.
It's been a long and winding road with hills and valleys and I know it's never going to end... but at least now I am rolling down the windows... letting my hair down and soaking up the sun... singing at the top of my lungs...
I really think it's helping bring me out of this funk I've been in too!  I hope I can lean into those moments more and not let myself sink into the other moments for quite so long, but still honoring all the emotions that are real and valid and part of my journey.  I think another thing that has been helpful has been good friendships that are supportive and life giving... and spending time with people who are life giving... those that are tried and true and those that are somewhat new! 
Peace Out for now!