Change Is Good

So, it's been a while since I posted... and I know I haven't been very regular about it... it's just another one of those things in my life, sort of like everything else right now, that I feel like I am doing a half-a**ed job at!  And seeing as how stress and anxiety are definitely triggers for me when it comes to eating... I am amazed that I haven't blown up like a balloon... I am happy to report, though, that I have continued to lose... not very rapidly of course but last week I lost another 2 lbs and total I have lost 56.2 pounds as of last Fri... which feels really good. 
I did however make a pretty difficult decision this weekend... A few weeks ago I joined Weight Watchers at Work, but I didn't commit to it... basically I was cheating on Medi with WW meetings and not committing to either plan very well... but Friday sort of sealed the deal for me.  I have been craving foods lately that I cannot have... not just bad food... but good food too... I want to eat more fruits and veggies.  I want to have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast or a piece of toast.  And I am the type of person who likes control, who likes to be independent and self-directing and when I feel like I am being told no... I rebel... so Friday... I went out with some of my minister women friends to my favorite restaurant, Gloria's, and got my favorite dish, the Pollo con Champiniones... and I ate the whole dang thing plus a margarita swirl... I know, disgusting right!  But once upon a time, I would eat that and not think twice about it... but OH MY GOD!  Apparently my stomach has shrunk DRASTICALLY since then, because I have never been in so much pain... I am pretty sure I will never eat that dish again because by the time I got over to my brother's house where my family was, I was ready to either throw up or slice my guts open I was in so much pain. 
Luckily, Mom and Dad were in town this weekend and they do Weight Watchers and have been encouraging me to make the switch from the beginning and I realized that at this point in time, it really is probably the best way for me to keep going, because now I can have those things that I want, and I am learning a lifestyle instead of dieting... I will forever be grateful for Medi and how far I was able to go, and for what I did learn on that program, but I needed a little more freedom in my life right now...
So much of the rest of my world is just so chaotic and limiting... I literally feel stuck and walk around with a huge ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach and my muscles are so stiff... I am grasping for ways that I can get some control.  So, I switched over to Weight Watchers, I spent a bunch of time on the e-tools yesterday planning out some simple meals for the first week and cooking and portioning.  I had popcorn yesterday and it was delicious!  I had a baked potato for lunch today and it's a "power food"... such a switch from it being completely off-limits before.  I am looking forward to cooking new things and enjoying more diverse foods... foods that are healthy that have been off-limits since October.
I really think that this will be a good change... and a change that will give me some grasp on something right now when I feel like I am loosing my footing.  I think that I am seeking changes on such a huge scale right now, that being able to make changes in small ways is bringing me some anxiety relief... from changing my diet plan to painting my fingernails a new color every day, I am trying to live in the present when I am yearning for the future.  I am so grateful for my family, for Cedric and for my friends who are keeping me sane, right now - I don't know what I would do without them. 
I am excited about starting WW because I have a much larger support system who are already doing Weight Watchers, because I do Weight Watchers at work and my friend Kathy has already been very successful with it, Mom and Dad have been very successful with it... and the best part is... it's free... or at least the meetings are.  So... here comes a new chapter in my Weight Loss Journey Book.  I look forward to discovering new recipes and posting those... and telling you about my new adventures on my bicycle that Jake and Ashley got me... I'm not gonna lie... it's pretty cute.  I will post a picture of me on it soon!
Anyway,  maybe all this change will get me re-motivated with my blogging... hopefully so!