Baby Binging My Way into Onederland!

So... seeing as how it's been ages since I've blogged... lots has happened since then.  The biggest being my phone interview... Wednesday I had a phone interview for a hospital chaplain position at the Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio.  The interview went very well and they invited me up for a face-to-face interview on June 23rd.  I'm really nervous and really excited and I decided that this is exactly what I need to get me going on my weight loss journey again.  I have been stuck emotionally for several months... processing the frustration of road blocks in my job search as personal rejection and I let this emotion dig me into a deep, muddy hole of depression .  I was functioning out of this false sense of reality that if I work hard, I can achieve anything... I can attain anything... because that has always "worked" for me before.  Now that I'm graduated and ordained, and putting myself out into the world as "Rev. Megan Elizabeth Lilburn, M.Div" for the first time, it's not working anymore... and that disrupted my worldview.  Recently I've reframed this difficult battle to accept that while it's disappointing not to get offers on these jobs I have applied to, it's not a personal rejection, just a reflection of the competitive and highly saturated job market for chaplains. Thursday in my CPE unit evals I explained this new reframing as allowing me to get unstuck...  I finally sat down, put down the shovel and let things dry up a little... I know I'm not out of my hole yet, but I'm not stuck anymore either.  It's still going to take some work to climb out of the hole I dug for myself... but at least I put away my shovel, gave myself time to grieve, and started the work of climbing out.  So... as I make my way out of my emotional hole, I know that it is time to get out of my weight-loss hole too and get my butt in full gear again.... and so I set a new goal of dropping into Onederland before my interview... that means losing about nine pounds in about 4 weeks... which really should not be that hard if I can stay focused....
And watching The Biggest Loser Finale helped too... I totally want to be Hannah!
So Onderland, here I come... but of course... I set this goal just in time to go on vacation!
And... stereotypically speaking... vacations carry with them the fear of putting on extra pounds.
I'm spending the week in Roswell, New Mexico with my best friend Jen and her family... and part of the deal is that I get to keep her baby Reece at home with me while Jen and Matt work.  So... I'm mostly sitting "at home" all day playing with Reece... but when he's sleeping... prime snack time, right?  You would think... but I've been rocking the plan this week!
I'm not sure if it's because I'm not at my own home so I'm not as comfortable snacking or if it's because I am feeling committed to my new goal... but so far, it's been a really great week.  And it helps that Jen is committed to eating healthy too so she is a really good influence on me and a great buddy for eating right!

So Friday night Matt grilled Steak and Zuchini.  Saturday Jen and I drove to Ruidoso and went to the horse races and lost our whole $10 a piece... we each bet $5 a piece on different horses to show in 2 races and we both lost both races... pretty lame!  Then she took me out to dinner at Casa Blanca... for some excellent Chile Rellenos.  So yeah, Chile Rellenos aren't exactly "being good" but it was the first day of my Weight Watchers week, because I usually weigh-in on Saturdays, so I had all my "weekly points plus" and I had only used 14 "daily points plus" for breakfast and dinner... so I am still on track with more than enough "weekly points plus" points left.  That is part of the beauty of Weight Watchers!
For breakfast I've been having Bagel sandwiches with Bagel Thins, 1/3 less fat Cream Cheese and Deli Fresh turkey slices with an orange or a grapefruit (for a 6 point breakfast).  For Lunch I've been making sandwiches with Bagel Thins, Weight Watchers spreadable Swiss Cheese wedges, Avocado and a Boca burger pattie (for an 8 point lunch).  Last night Matt grilled chicken and veggie kabobs.  Tonight Jen is making Poblanos stuffed with lean ground turkey, brown rice, reduced fat cheese and rotel (an 8 point dinner).  Tomorrow night I am making Chicken Amore.  Wednesday night I'm making turkey burgers stuffed with reduced fat string cheese and steamed broccoli.  Thursday night I'm cooking Soy Glazed Salmon and Soy Glazed Green Beans.
I've been snacking on fruit and resisting Matt's Doritos, even though they are tempting... so  I got some Quaker Quakes Rice Cake Snacks instead. 
I've gone for at least a 30 minute walk every day.  This morning I woke up and ate my breakfast, then Reece woke up and I fed him and we went for a long walk.  He fell asleep by the time we got home and I took a shower while he napped.  Then we played some more until he went down for another nap at noon.  Jen and Matt came home at lunch and we ate lunch and then Reece woke up and I seasoned the chicken and ground turkey while they played with him.  It's been lots of fun... truly the good life!  I joked earlier today with Caitlin that I was Baby Binging... instead of food binging... eating up all the baby time I can while I can!  Quality baby time is a supreme substitute for food... I'll take it any day!
I fully expect that I will be right on target this week and look forward to weighing in when I get back in town... and until then... I am having lots of fun!

Change Is Good

So, it's been a while since I posted... and I know I haven't been very regular about it... it's just another one of those things in my life, sort of like everything else right now, that I feel like I am doing a half-a**ed job at!  And seeing as how stress and anxiety are definitely triggers for me when it comes to eating... I am amazed that I haven't blown up like a balloon... I am happy to report, though, that I have continued to lose... not very rapidly of course but last week I lost another 2 lbs and total I have lost 56.2 pounds as of last Fri... which feels really good. 
I did however make a pretty difficult decision this weekend... A few weeks ago I joined Weight Watchers at Work, but I didn't commit to it... basically I was cheating on Medi with WW meetings and not committing to either plan very well... but Friday sort of sealed the deal for me.  I have been craving foods lately that I cannot have... not just bad food... but good food too... I want to eat more fruits and veggies.  I want to have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast or a piece of toast.  And I am the type of person who likes control, who likes to be independent and self-directing and when I feel like I am being told no... I rebel... so Friday... I went out with some of my minister women friends to my favorite restaurant, Gloria's, and got my favorite dish, the Pollo con Champiniones... and I ate the whole dang thing plus a margarita swirl... I know, disgusting right!  But once upon a time, I would eat that and not think twice about it... but OH MY GOD!  Apparently my stomach has shrunk DRASTICALLY since then, because I have never been in so much pain... I am pretty sure I will never eat that dish again because by the time I got over to my brother's house where my family was, I was ready to either throw up or slice my guts open I was in so much pain. 
Luckily, Mom and Dad were in town this weekend and they do Weight Watchers and have been encouraging me to make the switch from the beginning and I realized that at this point in time, it really is probably the best way for me to keep going, because now I can have those things that I want, and I am learning a lifestyle instead of dieting... I will forever be grateful for Medi and how far I was able to go, and for what I did learn on that program, but I needed a little more freedom in my life right now...
So much of the rest of my world is just so chaotic and limiting... I literally feel stuck and walk around with a huge ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach and my muscles are so stiff... I am grasping for ways that I can get some control.  So, I switched over to Weight Watchers, I spent a bunch of time on the e-tools yesterday planning out some simple meals for the first week and cooking and portioning.  I had popcorn yesterday and it was delicious!  I had a baked potato for lunch today and it's a "power food"... such a switch from it being completely off-limits before.  I am looking forward to cooking new things and enjoying more diverse foods... foods that are healthy that have been off-limits since October.
I really think that this will be a good change... and a change that will give me some grasp on something right now when I feel like I am loosing my footing.  I think that I am seeking changes on such a huge scale right now, that being able to make changes in small ways is bringing me some anxiety relief... from changing my diet plan to painting my fingernails a new color every day, I am trying to live in the present when I am yearning for the future.  I am so grateful for my family, for Cedric and for my friends who are keeping me sane, right now - I don't know what I would do without them. 
I am excited about starting WW because I have a much larger support system who are already doing Weight Watchers, because I do Weight Watchers at work and my friend Kathy has already been very successful with it, Mom and Dad have been very successful with it... and the best part is... it's free... or at least the meetings are.  So... here comes a new chapter in my Weight Loss Journey Book.  I look forward to discovering new recipes and posting those... and telling you about my new adventures on my bicycle that Jake and Ashley got me... I'm not gonna lie... it's pretty cute.  I will post a picture of me on it soon!
Anyway,  maybe all this change will get me re-motivated with my blogging... hopefully so!

Chicken Amore!

I got this recipe from my friend Kathy, who got it from HungryGirl.com and then I amended it for myself.

So, the way that I made it, it's...

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, tenderized until flat (approx 4 oz)

salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, basil

1 portobella mushroom, sliced

2 Laughing Cow Light Swiss Wedges

1 cup Amy's Organic Chunky Tomato Bisque (Light in Sodium if you can find it)

1/2 cup of Fage Fat Free Greek Yogurt

1/4 tsp Italian Seasoning

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

After the chicken has been beaten flat/tenderized, season to taste with the salt, pepper, garlic, and onion.

Cook the portabello slices in a pan on med-high heat for about 4 min on each side, until soft, (using non-stick spray).

Spread 1 Laughing Cow wedge a piece on the underside of each chicken breast and sprinkle with basil, then lay slices of cooked portabello over the top.

Tightly roll the chicken breasts, with the filling inside and fasten with toothpicks. 

Place rolled chicken breasts in casserole dish and cover with foil, cooking for 15 minutes.

Remove foil and continue cooking for another 15 minutes.

While the chicken is cooking, combine the Tomato Bisque, Fat Free Greek Yogurt and italian seasonings and place in microwave safe bowl.  

When chicken is done and removed from oven, cook sauce until warm (1-3 minutes depending on your microwave, in 1 min increments, stirring in between)

This recipe is absolutely to die for...

Kathy put spinach in the filling as well and said it was great that way.

The HG recipe included roast red peppers in the filling but I skipped on those.  

It truly is delicious and made this way, it has

261 cal

6.3 g fat

14 net carbs

34 g protein
If I had the calories to spend, I would have paired this with Shiratake Tofu Spaghetti noodles for only an extra 40 cal... and for Cedric, it will top a bed of Barilla Plus Spaghetti noodles!