If the truth be told...

"If the truth be told..."

It's a phrase you use to start a sentence when you're are trying to get at the elephant in the room, particularly the elephant you can't see... The purpose is to extend and invitation to be honest with one's self and with God... to be vulnerable enough to be authentic, even if it means speaking out loud a though or idea or fear that seems "wrong" or scary.  Being authentic means being vulnerable and being vulnerable means taking a risk... a risk that people will honor the sacredness of what you are offering them and provide a safe space to wrestle with your own demons and sometimes with God.  The thing about it is, how do you know who to trust?  How do you know when and where you will be safe?  Well, if the truth be told, you don't.  You don't ever know for sure that your honesty and authenticity will be honored... that's why it's a risk... that is precisely what makes it such a vulnerable place to be... and why so often, we miss out on opportunities to be in authentic relationship with one another... either because we don't want to risk being authentic with another or because we can't figure out how to be open to another in a way that invites them to be authentic with us... and most of the time, these two go hand in hand.

About a month ago I got an email from an old classmate.  I really enjoyed hearing from her and what she had to share with me, but it got me to thinking about the "me" she knew.  I thought back to that time in my life and the only thing I could remember was how self-absorbed I was back then.  I was really ashamed of myself when I thought of who I was back then, despite the fact that I was only 12 or 13 years old, and I when I responded to her email I mentioned this and asked for her forgiveness if I had ever been mean.  This week I received another email from her and she told me that what she remembered about me was not the "hateful me" but a different me... a version of me that resonates more with the me that I strive to be today.  It was really powerful for me... and brought me to tears actually. It reminded me that sometimes what counts, is who we are when nobody is looking... that doesn't mean that we are excused of oppressive or hateful behaviors that are public... but the reality is that who we are when we think that no one is looking, is probably as authentic as it gets.  It was also a reminder to me that everyone has a choice of how they choose to go through life... we can choose to remember the bad, the pain and the hatefulness or we can choose to remember the good in others and and ourselves and to let that fuel us to continue to work towards peace and liberation. This correspondence with her has also made me wish that my own inability to be authentic and provide a safe space for others to be authentic with me hadn't caused me to miss the opportunity to know her back then... and thankful for the opportunity to begin doing that now. 

At the end of the day, if the truth be told, how do I choose to engage the world this day and how do I plan to engage it tomorrow?

On another note, I lost another 2.2 pounds this week!  It's coming off slow, but at least it's still coming off.  I won't be weighing in this week because I will be in Oklahoma for my Ordination this weekend.  I am still putting the finishing touches on the bulletin but the worship liturgy is done.  I am pretty excited but so incredibly freaked out... I know that as soon as I send it off, it's final... and why that scares me, I don't know... but it does.  It's such a big deal!  I don't even really know how to explain...  It's going to be a big day!
Hope to see lots of you there, but for those of you who won't be there... Have a good week... I have a feeling I won't have much time to blog between now and then!

Where's your Sanctuary?

So I was supposed to weigh-in Friday, but I woke up at 4:45am with a debilitating migraine and by the time I woke up, I really had to go to work... so, I will have to wait until this Friday.  Then, the next Friday I will be out of town so I guess I am in an "every 2 weeks" pattern... this has the potential to be very good or very bad...  On the one hand, if I lose like I did last week, it could be very encouraging to see the double digit losses, which could fuel me to keep on my grind!  On the other hand, it gives me more time in between each weigh-in, which can be dangerous.  

Today, I choose to make it work for my health... 

This past week, the Pastoral Care Department of Texas Health Harris Methodist Fort Worth hosted a Faith Community Leadership Summit.  We brought in Terry Hershey as our keynote speaker.  There were many meaningful truths that were powerful for me, one of which being a neat realization for me... 

See, one of the hardest things for people to do is to give our self permission to care for our self... and ministers are the worst.  Terry invited us to really think about the ways that we honor the Sabbath... the way that Jesus modeled throughout his entire ministry... honoring the Spirit of the Sabbath, not the Law...  Even in His ministry, he had to say, "No" to others so that he could say "Yes" to restoring His soul, and after teaching and healing in large crowds of people, he would go away by himself to be alone.  He was modeling for each of us what it means to care for our self so that we have something left to give to the world, and it is something that we all have to be intentional about.... 

Now, this concept is not new to me... it's something that I practice, not all the time of course, but what was a realization for me was realizing what that means to me these days... He asked us to take a moment to think about where our Sanctuary is... that place where we find rest and feed our souls... and that Sanctuary is different for each and every person... my realization was that, for me, that place is at the gym... Never in my life have I ever thought that if someone asked me how I restore my soul, my first thought would be "working out."  It was an exciting realization, made even more exciting yesterday as I was running on the treadmill and kept running... I was thoroughly amazed with myself as I just kept running longer than I have ever been able to do before and didn't get short of breath.  

When I'm doing cardio I try to keep my heart rate upwards of the 70% - 80% range of my resting heart rate... which is supposed to be the "Fat Burning Zone"...  and I have noticed lately that I have had to increase the incline to get to that zone.  (Since my little accident where I sprained my ankle and flew off the back of the treadmill, I have been scared to increase the speed, but yesterday I thought I would give it a try.)  I had "Girl Talk" going on my headphones which really keeps me focused... and I started jogging... I felt so good that I upped the speed a little more and started running... not very fast of course, but running none the less, and I kept waiting for the shortness of breath... but it didn't come... so I just kept going and got a little embarrassed when I realized I was grinning from ear to ear as I ran.  What can I say, it felt really good... and it hit me... this is what it feels like to "let my body catch up with my soul."

Of course, that is not the only way I know to restore my soul... 

spending time with my family restores my soul...  

Skyping with Alicia and Jack Jack...  

A hug from Cedric... 

Talking to Jen... 

Happy Hour with close friends... 

Sitting on my couch on Tuesday evenings with a  healthy meal, watching The Biggest Loser...

...all restore my soul!

So, as I leave you this Sabbath Day, I wonder... where is your Sanctuary?  

Where do you go to find rest and restore your soul? 
Today, I am going to honor it using my creativity to cook... the first creation is this delicious salad...

salmon, avocado, baby bella mushrooms, and Walden Farms Raspberry Vinaigrette

 

Chicken Amore!

I got this recipe from my friend Kathy, who got it from HungryGirl.com and then I amended it for myself.

So, the way that I made it, it's...

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, tenderized until flat (approx 4 oz)

salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, basil

1 portobella mushroom, sliced

2 Laughing Cow Light Swiss Wedges

1 cup Amy's Organic Chunky Tomato Bisque (Light in Sodium if you can find it)

1/2 cup of Fage Fat Free Greek Yogurt

1/4 tsp Italian Seasoning

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

After the chicken has been beaten flat/tenderized, season to taste with the salt, pepper, garlic, and onion.

Cook the portabello slices in a pan on med-high heat for about 4 min on each side, until soft, (using non-stick spray).

Spread 1 Laughing Cow wedge a piece on the underside of each chicken breast and sprinkle with basil, then lay slices of cooked portabello over the top.

Tightly roll the chicken breasts, with the filling inside and fasten with toothpicks. 

Place rolled chicken breasts in casserole dish and cover with foil, cooking for 15 minutes.

Remove foil and continue cooking for another 15 minutes.

While the chicken is cooking, combine the Tomato Bisque, Fat Free Greek Yogurt and italian seasonings and place in microwave safe bowl.  

When chicken is done and removed from oven, cook sauce until warm (1-3 minutes depending on your microwave, in 1 min increments, stirring in between)

This recipe is absolutely to die for...

Kathy put spinach in the filling as well and said it was great that way.

The HG recipe included roast red peppers in the filling but I skipped on those.  

It truly is delicious and made this way, it has

261 cal

6.3 g fat

14 net carbs

34 g protein
If I had the calories to spend, I would have paired this with Shiratake Tofu Spaghetti noodles for only an extra 40 cal... and for Cedric, it will top a bed of Barilla Plus Spaghetti noodles!

10.6

Heck yeah!

I finally weighed in this morning, after 2 1/2 weeks and dang it felt good...

I lost 10.6 lbs for a total loss now of 51 pounds in 18 weeks!

I lost DOUBLE DIGITS DUDE!

I mean, I know that it was over 2 1/2 weeks and not just one week, but I still feel like I finally know what the Biggest Loser contestants feel when they lose double digits.

To be honest, I don't really know what else to say.... I think the scale said it all this morning!

Hope you have a great Friday!  

I am excited about the sun and praying that it warms up!

Shiratake Tofu Noodles saved my diet tonight

I was too hungry and it looked too good to take the time to grab the good camera... 

so I snapped a shot with my iPhone....

This is Shiratake Fettuccine Alfredo... and it is what saved me... 

I have been craving Fettuccine Alfredo like nobody's business, and I pass an Italian restaurant every day on my way to and from work... and every day I have to say NO.

So, yesterday, on the way home from the doctor, I stopped at the new Sprouts and got some Shiratake Tofu Noodles (Thank you Kathy) and on the back it had a recipe for this Alfredo... 

and I looked forward to it all day... 

It has...

98 cal

2 g fat

6.6 net carbs

8.3 g protein

And... it tastes good!  

I'm sure that if you've had real Italian recently, it wouldn't compare to the richness of a real Alfredo sauce, but since I haven't, it felt like I was cheating... sort of!

Anyway, I also went to the gym today after work... sinus/upper respiratory infection not stopping me. It felt good to get back in the gym.  I am hoping I can make it tomorrow too, but with the Impending Inclement Weather, I may be out of luck.  Good thing I have what I need at home to stay on top of it!

So, while I don't weigh in on Tuesday anymore, I am staying true to my Tuesday night Biggest Loser watching!  And as they ate their chocolates in their temptation, I finished off dinner with a Sugar Free Toffee Square!  AMEN and thank God for Russell Stover Sugar Free Toffee Squares!

Snowpalooza

Well, It's snowing again... and this time it's real snow... not that icy mess!  It is absolutely beautiful!

Problem is, that I didn't know about the winter wonderland waiting for me this morning, so I got up early, took a shower, did my make-up, fixed my hair, and got all prettied up for my weigh-in... I decided I wanted to feel pretty as I watched the numbers drop on the scale today... so I bundled up and opened the back door to take Lillie out, right before I was getting ready to leave... and here is what I found...

The funniest part is that I still walked out the front door to find my car covered in beautiful powder...

 and what did I do?

I took my tennis racket, brushed off the snow, got in my car and started driving to Medi...

It didn't really occur to me that nobody else was on the road, or that it was still snowing pretty heavily... I just kept driving.  Cedric told me to turn around and go home, because they wouldn't be open, but I was adamant.  Silly me... He talked me into calling... of course nobody answered... why would they?  We're in the middle of Snowpalooza!

But I was so excited to weigh-in, nothing was going to stop me...

When they didn't answer the phone, I turned onto University (from Granbury, because I may have been dumb enough to try to go but I wasn't dumb enough to try the interstate) stopped at the grocery store for toilet paper, and headed home with hummus and a chicken, and no toilet paper!

So... I'm in for my first snow day... since I was one of the few North Texans that actually still has to work on snow days... I just happened to be off today!  

Hoping that the snow will clear up eventually so Cedric can come snuggle with me soon... electric blankets don't have anything on the body warmth of cuddling with someone you love...

For now... I guess Lillie, Puma and Tigre will have to do!

Next weigh-in scheduled for next Friday morning at 7am... after 2 1/2 weeks, I should have a really encouraging loss!  

Even with the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day I had yesterday, I didn't overeat or have a glass of wine (In fact, now that I think about it, I didn't eat at all last night... oops!)

I was tempted to go straight from work and enjoy my favorite margarita from Gloria's but my friend and mentor caught me before I got down the escalator and let me debrief with her, and reminded me to think about what healthy choices I was going to make to cope with my grief and disappointment.  The gym was closed so I went home and used the balance ball and kettle bell... I talked to Cedric and cried about it (after starting a fight instead of using my words effectively) and he heard me.  Then I watched half of Grey's Anatomy before heading to bed.  

So, I am still on my game... even with the wintry weather that screams eat pizza, chili, cinnamon rolls and everything else in sight!

So, for now... I am using my self-control and enjoying making healthy decisions away from any temptations to eat things I shouldn't and enjoying the snow!

Staying the Course

These are my "Before" and "After losing 40 pounds" pictures that I got from Medi.  I was really supposed to take one after 30 and just kept putting it off... so I guess my "-50" won't really be all that different, but hopefully it will be soon.  I hit a significant goal this week (according to my scale at home) and so I have a feeling that Friday will not be near the disappointment that the past three weeks were.  I'm looking forward to weighing in this week... how deluded is that?

I've enjoyed really good food this week, all of which was healthy... shrimp, salmon, extra lean ground turkey, "portabello pizza," and today I made an awesome pizza... 

High Fiber, Carb Smart whole wheat tortilla (50 cal; 4 net carbs; 5g protein)

pizza sauce made with extra sauteed garlic and habanero 

sauteed onion, garlic, baby bell mushrooms and poblano peppers

1 oz extra lean ground turkey

skim shredded mozzarella cheese

...tonight it's spicy chicken soup from chicken breast, onion, poblano pepper, broth and seasonings... I hope it's good!

All that aside, I guess it's a good thing I already switched my weigh-in days to Fridays because I'm pretty sure Medi is closed today, like half of north Texas... I have to admit, the roads really are bad... and they were worse this afternoon on the way home than they were early early when I went to let Lillie out and go back to work... so I hope that everyone is being careful, staying warm, and enjoying the snow/ice day!