Real Talk

So... today I realized that my old theological framework is getting in the way of my weight loss... and since I don't have room for that theological framework in my ministry anymore, it doesn't make sense to function out of it in my personal life... so here's some real talk...
Old framework... grace & compassion = niceness... forgiveness... warm fuzzies
New framework... sometimes grace and compassion is messy and raw... for example, you don't coddle and continue to bail out an addict over and over and over again who is self destructing... you confront them about their addiction and acknowledge the destruction around them and refuse to participate in it anymore...
And... since food is my addiction... it's time I have an intervention... for the past several months I have been lurking in this 10 pound rut and every time I get close to this holy threshold of Onederland, I start back into this binge eating frenzy (justifying it with excuses that its healthy food or that I can start over again tomorrow...)  I keep telling myself it's ok, because that's what "we" tell each other... this proverbial "we" of food junkies... but all that does is keep us stuck where we are...
This brand of grace and compassion doesn't work when it comes to destructive behavior... that's why I'm still right where I was three months ago... because I keep telling myself its ok to have this or that... or "it's just a little bit"... and "I'm really stressed this week"... etc etc etc... IT'S NOT WORKING!
And this weight loss thing isn't about looking good in a swimsuit for me... if it were, maybe that dismissive "grace" would be fine... but weight loss for me... for someone my size is about life and about life lived more fully....
I saw a friend of mine today that I haven't seen in probably a year and she was literally in tears when she saw me... and it wasn't because she wants my body... it's because she loves me and she was celebrating my life being lived more fully!  It was convicting... along side the "Muscle Blast" class she drug me to that totally delivered on it's name, leaving my muscles feeling like jello.  So thank you Sarah Pharr for lovingly participating in my intervention today.
I value the relationships that hold me accountable to my weight loss journey... that call me out when I am tumbling off the wagon head first... and remind me that I am worth it to love myself better than I do... those who will eat healthy with me an work out with me and get excited about healthy choices.
SO... The intervention is in full force...
It's time to get in my own face and stay there.... put down the after dinner Weight Watcher's snacks and the fruit and all the other healthy snacks that defeat their purpose in large quantities.... pop a piece of sugar free gum... and walk away from the kitchen.

Because being morbidly obese is not an acceptable fashion statement... it's not a funny joke to laugh about with one another or a bonding point to perpetuate one another's unhealthy lifestyles by being cohorts in feeding each other's addictions... it's a personal statement of self-worth and self-respect.. and I am tired of communicating that I don't care about myself without having to say a word...

When it comes to weight loss, grace is only effective when it's the exception, not the rule!

Headed back to the gym tomorrow and I'm pumped!