I throw my hands up in the air sometimes!
Saying A-O!
Gotta let go!
I wanna celebrate and live my life!
Saying A-O!
Baby let’s Go!
…I’m gonna take it all like,
I’m gonna be the last one standing,
‘Cause I believe it,
and I,
I just want it all, I just want it all!
This morning I was dancing in my car as I was driving to the airport at 4:30 feeling full of joy and life and energy… (sick I know) and I was thinking about how good I feel and how thankful I am for my life and where I am right now… and where I’m headed.
It’s not like it's a particularly great day…
First thing this morning I was sent into a panic attack because I let my little demon of a dog out to go to the bathroom and five minutes later when she wasn’t scratching to let her in, I went to check on her, and she wasn’t in the back yard. The gate was closed and I realized she dug another hole… she used to go into the neighbor’s yard, which was not good and was very frustrating but at least I knew she was safe. Now she’s dug a hole on the other side of the fence, where the church parking lot is, and she’s home free! And
this hole is behind all the brush and shrubs, so I can’t get back there to block it. I was scared and crying in the middle of the parking lot, whistling (sort of - for those of you who laughed at the thought of my pathetic attempt at whistling) and calling for her, trying not to wake up the neighborhood, and Cedric came out and grabbed me by the shoulders and said “calm down. I’ll help you find her.” He did, of course and all was well! We came back in the house and he gave me a big hug and reminded me that he loves me... and I knew I was safe and not alone and I was ready to take on the day.
So, as I was dancing in the car, after such a scare so early in the morning, I got to thinking about how much more I’m living these days… and about John 10:10b-15 that begins with Jesus telling us “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” and he goes on to tell us that he is the good shepherd who lays down his life for his sheep, each one he knows by name and each one knows his voice…
and I got a little emotional.
Just when I think I’m living a life fully, God shows me there’s more joy… a life more abundant than I can dream…
As I sat there reflecting on this... writing... waiting for my flight at the airport, with the smell of the Cinnabon kiosk right next to me... teasing me... tempting me... toying with my emotions, I look up and I see a woman and her granddaughter eating breakfast at a table across from my gate, and bowing their heads to pray before they feed their bodies.. I thanked God for feeding my soul and teaching me how to feed my body right!
Then I came to class and our opening devotion is John 21:4-22 and Jesus is teaching his disciples several things... First he's teaching them if you're coming up with an empty net, trust in him and he'll show you another way.... he asks them if they're catching any
fish (and the word used here translates more specifically to little fish... like sardines) and they say "no" and so he tells them to fish on the other side of the boat... and as they do, they can't even pull up the net because it is overflowing with
fish (and the word used here translates more like medium sized fish, like trout or something... I don't really know fish very well)... then he invites them to bring their catch over to him and they lay it at his feet, and he is already cooking
fish over the fire (and this word translates to large fish, a feast that could feed an entire family).
Throughout my life, the running theme continues to be that when I stubbornly try to do things my own way, on my own, I come up short and get frustrated and feel like I am hitting a wall. When I am open to hearing where God leads me, my life is more fruitful and when I lay that at God's feet and give thanks and praise to the One with whom all things are possible, I experience life more abundantly than I could ever imagine on my own. Yet, still... I continue to make everything more difficult than it needs to be and refuse to reach out for ways in which God is providing unexpected resources.
I am so thankful for the unexpected resources that have made this journey to uncovering me, possible... and for the people who have reached out, encouraged me, and been willing to offer themselves up in ways that empower me to grow (or shrink, as the case may be) into a life that is more than enough rather than enable me to remain complacent with stagnancy that is "just good enough."
This is one of the next things that he teaches them in this text. He asks Simon Peter, "Do you love me?" and Simon Peter says, "Yes, you know that I do!" and Jesus tells him, "Feed my lambs."
Then he asks Simon Peter a second time, "Do you love me?" and Simon Peter says, "Yes, you know that I love you!" and Jesus tells him, "Tend my sheep."
Then he asks him a third time, "Do you love me?" and Simon Peter proclaims again, "Yes, you know everything. You know that I love you!" and Jesus says, "Feed my Sheep."
While their are multiples layers to this text, what stood out today was in light of the previous text when he was telling them that he is the good shepherd... Here Jesus is telling them, "You too are called to be the good shepherd, and I have taught you how to do this." Putting all these texts into context with one another, we are reminded that it's one thing to care for others, it's another thing to teach others how to care for themselves and others. I couldn't lose this weight on my own, but it's also not only the diet that is making it successful... It's the combination of those people who have provided me resources with my own will and desire to be a good steward of what I have been given.
So I want to publicly thank a few people who are essential to this specific journey right now...
Thank you Grammy, Sara, Mom, Dad, Cedric, Guy Sawyer, and Medi... and everyone else who has been encouraging me!
