Even though this journey in uncovering me is a good one... it's a hard one... because my weight is just as much an emotional battle as physical... And it's hard to process through all the reasons why I let myself get to that state... including acknowledging that I allowed myself to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship for so long that nobody, including me, could recognize me anymore... I lost my fire... I lost myself!
It's painful to acknowledge that for all these years, a part of me was hiding behind all that extra weight in some sick deluded effort to protect myself from experiencing that kind of pain ever again... and in a destructive effort to try and prove that I am good enough, no matter what I weigh!
Today that person made it known that he still checks in on me... and that he reads my blog. At first it really pissed me off that he would have the nerve to contact me at all... especially so publicly... but I talked it out with some good friends and processed it on my own a bit... and leaned into the love of my life... and I realized... who cares!
I am not the same person I used to be... my life is not the same life it used to be... and whether he keeps track of me or not is really irrelevant...
I know that I have healed! I know that I have recovered that beautiful, powerful, spirit-filled, full-of-life woman that God created me to be! I know that the love that I share with Cedric is the healing kind... the life-giving kind... the kind that makes me a better me... a whole me! I know that I love myself enough to never give my power away again! I know that I am blessed beyond measure... and I know that the past is the past!
So... read on... knock yourself out... and know that the best decision I made back then was getting on a plane to Paris and knowing I was starting over! And life keeps getting sweeter!
Looking out over Paris from atop the Eiffel Tower...
ready for the start of a new future...
reclaiming my independence!
:)
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