Chicken Amore!

I got this recipe from my friend Kathy, who got it from HungryGirl.com and then I amended it for myself.

So, the way that I made it, it's...

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, tenderized until flat (approx 4 oz)

salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, basil

1 portobella mushroom, sliced

2 Laughing Cow Light Swiss Wedges

1 cup Amy's Organic Chunky Tomato Bisque (Light in Sodium if you can find it)

1/2 cup of Fage Fat Free Greek Yogurt

1/4 tsp Italian Seasoning

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

After the chicken has been beaten flat/tenderized, season to taste with the salt, pepper, garlic, and onion.

Cook the portabello slices in a pan on med-high heat for about 4 min on each side, until soft, (using non-stick spray).

Spread 1 Laughing Cow wedge a piece on the underside of each chicken breast and sprinkle with basil, then lay slices of cooked portabello over the top.

Tightly roll the chicken breasts, with the filling inside and fasten with toothpicks. 

Place rolled chicken breasts in casserole dish and cover with foil, cooking for 15 minutes.

Remove foil and continue cooking for another 15 minutes.

While the chicken is cooking, combine the Tomato Bisque, Fat Free Greek Yogurt and italian seasonings and place in microwave safe bowl.  

When chicken is done and removed from oven, cook sauce until warm (1-3 minutes depending on your microwave, in 1 min increments, stirring in between)

This recipe is absolutely to die for...

Kathy put spinach in the filling as well and said it was great that way.

The HG recipe included roast red peppers in the filling but I skipped on those.  

It truly is delicious and made this way, it has

261 cal

6.3 g fat

14 net carbs

34 g protein
If I had the calories to spend, I would have paired this with Shiratake Tofu Spaghetti noodles for only an extra 40 cal... and for Cedric, it will top a bed of Barilla Plus Spaghetti noodles!

10.6

Heck yeah!

I finally weighed in this morning, after 2 1/2 weeks and dang it felt good...

I lost 10.6 lbs for a total loss now of 51 pounds in 18 weeks!

I lost DOUBLE DIGITS DUDE!

I mean, I know that it was over 2 1/2 weeks and not just one week, but I still feel like I finally know what the Biggest Loser contestants feel when they lose double digits.

To be honest, I don't really know what else to say.... I think the scale said it all this morning!

Hope you have a great Friday!  

I am excited about the sun and praying that it warms up!

Shiratake Tofu Noodles saved my diet tonight

I was too hungry and it looked too good to take the time to grab the good camera... 

so I snapped a shot with my iPhone....

This is Shiratake Fettuccine Alfredo... and it is what saved me... 

I have been craving Fettuccine Alfredo like nobody's business, and I pass an Italian restaurant every day on my way to and from work... and every day I have to say NO.

So, yesterday, on the way home from the doctor, I stopped at the new Sprouts and got some Shiratake Tofu Noodles (Thank you Kathy) and on the back it had a recipe for this Alfredo... 

and I looked forward to it all day... 

It has...

98 cal

2 g fat

6.6 net carbs

8.3 g protein

And... it tastes good!  

I'm sure that if you've had real Italian recently, it wouldn't compare to the richness of a real Alfredo sauce, but since I haven't, it felt like I was cheating... sort of!

Anyway, I also went to the gym today after work... sinus/upper respiratory infection not stopping me. It felt good to get back in the gym.  I am hoping I can make it tomorrow too, but with the Impending Inclement Weather, I may be out of luck.  Good thing I have what I need at home to stay on top of it!

So, while I don't weigh in on Tuesday anymore, I am staying true to my Tuesday night Biggest Loser watching!  And as they ate their chocolates in their temptation, I finished off dinner with a Sugar Free Toffee Square!  AMEN and thank God for Russell Stover Sugar Free Toffee Squares!

Snowpalooza

Well, It's snowing again... and this time it's real snow... not that icy mess!  It is absolutely beautiful!

Problem is, that I didn't know about the winter wonderland waiting for me this morning, so I got up early, took a shower, did my make-up, fixed my hair, and got all prettied up for my weigh-in... I decided I wanted to feel pretty as I watched the numbers drop on the scale today... so I bundled up and opened the back door to take Lillie out, right before I was getting ready to leave... and here is what I found...

The funniest part is that I still walked out the front door to find my car covered in beautiful powder...

 and what did I do?

I took my tennis racket, brushed off the snow, got in my car and started driving to Medi...

It didn't really occur to me that nobody else was on the road, or that it was still snowing pretty heavily... I just kept driving.  Cedric told me to turn around and go home, because they wouldn't be open, but I was adamant.  Silly me... He talked me into calling... of course nobody answered... why would they?  We're in the middle of Snowpalooza!

But I was so excited to weigh-in, nothing was going to stop me...

When they didn't answer the phone, I turned onto University (from Granbury, because I may have been dumb enough to try to go but I wasn't dumb enough to try the interstate) stopped at the grocery store for toilet paper, and headed home with hummus and a chicken, and no toilet paper!

So... I'm in for my first snow day... since I was one of the few North Texans that actually still has to work on snow days... I just happened to be off today!  

Hoping that the snow will clear up eventually so Cedric can come snuggle with me soon... electric blankets don't have anything on the body warmth of cuddling with someone you love...

For now... I guess Lillie, Puma and Tigre will have to do!

Next weigh-in scheduled for next Friday morning at 7am... after 2 1/2 weeks, I should have a really encouraging loss!  

Even with the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day I had yesterday, I didn't overeat or have a glass of wine (In fact, now that I think about it, I didn't eat at all last night... oops!)

I was tempted to go straight from work and enjoy my favorite margarita from Gloria's but my friend and mentor caught me before I got down the escalator and let me debrief with her, and reminded me to think about what healthy choices I was going to make to cope with my grief and disappointment.  The gym was closed so I went home and used the balance ball and kettle bell... I talked to Cedric and cried about it (after starting a fight instead of using my words effectively) and he heard me.  Then I watched half of Grey's Anatomy before heading to bed.  

So, I am still on my game... even with the wintry weather that screams eat pizza, chili, cinnamon rolls and everything else in sight!

So, for now... I am using my self-control and enjoying making healthy decisions away from any temptations to eat things I shouldn't and enjoying the snow!

Staying the Course

These are my "Before" and "After losing 40 pounds" pictures that I got from Medi.  I was really supposed to take one after 30 and just kept putting it off... so I guess my "-50" won't really be all that different, but hopefully it will be soon.  I hit a significant goal this week (according to my scale at home) and so I have a feeling that Friday will not be near the disappointment that the past three weeks were.  I'm looking forward to weighing in this week... how deluded is that?

I've enjoyed really good food this week, all of which was healthy... shrimp, salmon, extra lean ground turkey, "portabello pizza," and today I made an awesome pizza... 

High Fiber, Carb Smart whole wheat tortilla (50 cal; 4 net carbs; 5g protein)

pizza sauce made with extra sauteed garlic and habanero 

sauteed onion, garlic, baby bell mushrooms and poblano peppers

1 oz extra lean ground turkey

skim shredded mozzarella cheese

...tonight it's spicy chicken soup from chicken breast, onion, poblano pepper, broth and seasonings... I hope it's good!

All that aside, I guess it's a good thing I already switched my weigh-in days to Fridays because I'm pretty sure Medi is closed today, like half of north Texas... I have to admit, the roads really are bad... and they were worse this afternoon on the way home than they were early early when I went to let Lillie out and go back to work... so I hope that everyone is being careful, staying warm, and enjoying the snow/ice day!

So fresh and so clean

I woke up this morning, before my alarm went off at 5am... but because I hadn't gone to bed until much later than I'd planned last night, I let myself go back to sleep until I woke up a few minutes before my alarm went off at 6am...
I went through my morning ritual and was at the hospital by 7am... Strawberry protein smoothie in tow...
I visited with my friend Kathy for a bit before heading up to the office... she's my weight loss buddy at work... then I went to Cai Cai's Lay Training Committee...
In CPE seminar, I presented Jonah and the Whale for Godly Play and then had an annoying IPR (Interpersonal Relations Seminar)... After lunch, we had a meaningful IPR (part 2) with my colleagues in the privacy of our office... And then, I finally had the first truly meaningful supervision, (sort of like professional therapy, but not... I just don't know how else to explain it in a way that someone outside the CPE world can even fathom) in two units, because I met with both supervisors and was finally actually heard, for the first time... I apparently scared the crap out of a patient by walking into the room and introducing myself as a patient... to an extreme that I had never experienced before... talk about a prescription for a power trip (if I were that sort of chaplain)!
After work I had a fun, invigorating workout... truly... I am pretty sure I danced through half of it, without any regard to those around me... which was made easier by the fact that I wasn't wearing my glasses!
I stopped by Target on the way home and got some kitty litter, toothpaste, and fish... exciting huh?
At Target, I saw a dear friend from ages past in between the seafood and the bread aisle and it was so good to catch up. It's strange how you don't realize how much you've missed someone until you're hugging them after a long separation...
It reminded me of other relationships that I also value deeply that I have been unable to kindle over the past several years, that I miss deeply... and how important it is to me to find a way to re-kindle those relationships now that school no longer swallows me whole.
Speaking of being swallowed whole... that's a pretty reasonable segue into explaining why I changed the name of yesterday's blog...
The "belly of the whale" is a reference to the Godly Play story that I have been engaging the past couple of weeks... Most of the time, we read the story of Jonah and think of being swallowed up by the whale as a bad thing... (or at least I had) but the way that it's resonated with me lately, through Jerome Barryman's creative approach to telling the story, I have recognized the belly of the whale as being God's deliverance... The whale swallows Jonah up while he's sinking in an ocean of despair, after he jumped overboard rather than listen to and speak for God... In the belly of the whale he is alone with the messy goo of his own thoughts echoing in his ears, while the rest of the noise of the world is blocked out... That is exactly where I found myself Tuesday night when the "rescuer" me told the "victim" me... "you're on your own this time!"
I was forced to sit with myself in a cold, dark, emotionally vulnerable space, which forced me to lean on God instead of myself and hear God over my own abusive voice... and trust that God would not let me drown in my own proverbial "suicide attempt"... that God would swallow me up and hold me while I wrestled with myself and spit me back out onto the shore where I needed to be...
Which he did... and today I felt good... I felt motivated... I felt bold enough to be honest in the face of two supervisors, in a way that I knew would result in some painful engagement... which is what I was asking for... because, growth IS what it IS... it's painful and brilliant and necessary... and I am not one to be complacent or content with a static existence...
Then, instead of asking my colleagues to meet me for Happy Hour, I rocked out at the gym... where I encountered a woman I have fostered a pastoral relationship with in the hospital, who acknowledged my weight loss and sought out direction from me, and I was energized by encouraging her with her battle as we exchanged high fives...
Today I felt like I had purged myself of the toxins that were infecting my immune system and I felt physically, emotionally and mentally refreshed and renewed...
I pray I can keep clinging to that and that when I weigh-in again, there will be a tangible reflection of that. Time for bed!
Peace Out!

Revelations from the Belly of the Whale

So this afternoon, while sitting in Systems Seminar (based on the work of Edwin Friedman) in CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education), I had a mind-blowing independent study session...
Our first seminar focused on the transition between the "Conformist" and the "Conscientious" layers of ego development in Jane Loevinger's Ego Development theory... and our second seminar sprang out of a discussion of Edwin Friedman's fable, "Raising Cane."  Somewhere in there my supervisor was using the imagery of viruses to explain the way that fusion between individuals in a  system functions... in that, a virus is a cell that cannot survive in and of itself, and therefore needs another cell to feed on.  The virus attaches itself to the other cell and they become fused... the virus consuming the other cell, sucking it dry and then finding another cell to feed on...
So, this got me to thinking about abusive relationships... because that's essentially how an abuser fuses itself to another individual in a way that produces a relationship where the individual becomes so fused to that abuser that they don't know they can live without the abuser, even to the point that they begin to believe that they cannot get out... I remember thinking, "This is never going to end until one of us dies."
Soooo, this got me thinking about how we fight off viruses... our immune system uses antibodies and antioxidants to fight off viruses, but when our immune system is down, our body can't do that effectively... So, using that imagery, if an abuser is a virus, what is our immune system that either recognizes that virus and rejects it, or that gets compromised and can't see that it's being attacked until it's "too late"?
As I thought about that, I became very aware that Paul wasn't the first abusive relationship I was sucked into... or the last... because for years, I have been in a perpetually abusive relationship with myself....
WOW!
That was huge for me... I almost felt like a light bulb actually turned on above my head... and while the rest of my peers and supervisors were engaged in a completely different conversation, I could tell that whatever reaction I had to my new revelation, my supervisor and at least one of my peers could see the light bulb too... I was writing like a crazy person... it was like this crazy flow sheet starting with viruses, moving to abusive relationships... and on to Karpman's drama triangle...
(Bear with me, for a minute, because this all comes together in the end... I swear)
So... in Karpman's drama triangle, there are three roles... the persecutor, the victim, and the rescuer... Each role functions in a way that perpetuates whatever chronic condition is driving the unhealthy relationship that exists in the system... and the roles are perceived differently depending on whose perspective you're viewing the situation through, within the triangle... for me... in my own relationship with Me, Myself and I... I play all three roles...
As the rescuer, I eat to feel good... to alleviate my own suffering, caused by the persecutor within me that convinces myself that I failed...
So, figuring out these two was easy... but I sat with the last one for awhile... how do I understand myself as "victim"?
I realize that I don't always allow myself to play into that cycle - so what is going on when I do allow myself to hear "you're a failure"...
It's the same thing that allows me to hear others in a way that makes me feel victimized... when I am exhausted, worn out, burned out, drained...
So, of course the key to breaking the cycle is elementary knowledge that anyone in the world can tell you... I need to make sure that I'm getting enough sleep, making time for myself, eating healthy food and exercising so that I keep my emotional immune system healthy so that my "rescuer me" stays the heck out of it and forces me to sit in the proverbial "shit pit" of my emotions until I work it out, rather than eating my way to happy!
Which, by the way, is what I did last night... and THAT is encouraging... that without having consciously identified the abusive cycle yet, I navigated a different way of existing with myself... successfully!
SO... this may be super boring for everyone but me... and maybe confusing for anyone who hasn't been seeped in CPE, chewing on systems theory and ego development theories until they've lost all their flavor... but for me it was helpful to process...
So that's that... Goodnight!


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle